you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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