Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
