Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
