He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
