I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
