does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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