I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
