Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
