perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've blown a few things in my day
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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