Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
