I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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