I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
