Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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