I haven't been this sober since birth.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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