i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I want her autograph on my taint
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
