I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
