and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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