you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
