He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
love makes seman taste better
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
