So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
