I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
