we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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