she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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