i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
