thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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