i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
