He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
