she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
