I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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