I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
