I wish I could punch you in the face.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
