If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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