Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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