I cockslap morals
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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