i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
