just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
