dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
