Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
