all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's like iHOP with fire
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
