I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
