How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
