If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We need to rekindle our bromance
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
