Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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