hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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