I can tuck mytits in my pants
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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