I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
