she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
