At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we're so committed to being not committed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
