Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
