Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So squirting runs in the family.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
