He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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