Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Text me some of your sweat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
