Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
