the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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